Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize