I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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