How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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