so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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