don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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