I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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