Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
