Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
