i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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