I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
