there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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