my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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