I think scott just propositioned me for sex
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
