Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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