I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
