I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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