Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
