Me too!
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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