I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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