I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
