Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
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