She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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