I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
