i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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