You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
