you're like a bully in the Christmas story
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
