The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
