how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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