this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
