Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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