I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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