You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Randomize
