wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize