Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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