I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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