he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
