I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
