I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize