I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
