I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
