I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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