you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
