and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize