It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize