do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
