How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Randomize
