So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
