this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
