you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
