Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
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