is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Randomize
