I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
