I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
