My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
