it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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