You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
