So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
