I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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