I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
