last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Randomize
