Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
