can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
