god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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