just come out here and I will go home with you...
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
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