i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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