God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
