The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize