No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
