I'm gonna have a badass scar
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
