So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
