You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
