I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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