what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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