I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
