The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
